When I was 8 years old I drew a picture depicting me, killing myself, and going to hell. Obviously at the time I had no idea what I was feeling or what it meant, I just know that I felt so bad inside that I wanted to no longer be here. The relevant information here is I have never kicked that feeling for very long. I am currently 33 years old and I have thoughts of suicide on a monthly basis. I hide it out of fear of being labeled crazy and being placed in a room that has no handles on the doors. The fact I could end up there makes me want to kill myself before someone even gets the chance to put me there. I feel like maybe writing about my life I will finally be able to free myself of whatever demons I have inside of me.